London, 14 March: A small but growing number of women are beginning to speak openly about a subject that has long remained taboo: regret about becoming mothers.
For many of them, the feeling is not about a lack of love for their children, but about the emotional, physical and financial demands that motherhood brings. The topic has recently drawn attention as personal stories, online communities and academic research reveal that some parents quietly struggle with feelings they feel unable to share publicly.
Carmen, a teacher in her 40s, says she deeply loves her 10-year-old son but wishes she had never become a parent.
“Motherhood has taken my health, my time, my money, my strength and my body,” she said. “The price is too high, and the cost is forever.”
She describes parenting as a responsibility that never stops.
“Motherhood is an endless job that you do even when you don’t want to, because a little person depends on you,” she said, adding that at times it can feel “like a trap you can’t escape.”
Despite these feelings, Carmen insists her regret is not directed at her child.
“Teo has nothing to do with my regret,” she said. “He’s a fantastic, adorable boy and I love him fiercely. I’d give my life for him without a doubt.”
Experts say such emotions are often misunderstood. According to psychotherapist Anna Mathur, maternal regret is frequently linked to exhaustion and isolation rather than a lack of affection for children.
“Often when women feel safe enough to talk about maternal regret what comes up isn’t a lack of love, but a sense of isolation, exhaustion, or lost identity,” she said.
Sociologist Orna Donath, author of the book Regretting Motherhood: A Study, has studied the issue by interviewing mothers who say they regret becoming parents.
“Regretting motherhood does not mean unloving or neglectful parenting,” Donath said. “Many women continue trying to do their best for their children despite their feelings.”
Research suggests the experience may not be rare. A 2023 study conducted in Poland estimated that between 5% and 14% of parents would choose not to have children if they could make the decision again.
While many parents remain silent about their emotions, some have turned to online spaces for support. One Facebook group titled “I Regret Having Children” has attracted nearly 96,000 members worldwide, where users anonymously share personal experiences.
The group’s moderator, Gianina, said the platform was created to give people a space to talk about feelings they believe society discourages.
“The aim has never been to shame parents or promote a particular lifestyle,” she said. “It’s about documenting a cultural phenomenon that doesn’t often have space in mainstream conversations.”
Counsellor Margaret O’Connor says attitudes toward parenthood are also shifting among younger generations.
“There is much more realisation that having children is a choice,” she said. “People are thinking more carefully about the responsibilities involved.”
For Carmen, therapy and time have helped her find a degree of acceptance. She says she has learned to balance her own needs with those of her son and no longer feels overwhelmed by guilt.
“I no longer live feeling bitter,” she said. “My son sees that I’m a human being, not perfect, and he’s okay with that.”
Although the sense of sacrifice remains, Carmen says moments with her son still matter deeply.
“I don’t feel like a monster anymore,” she said.
